Thursday, January 12, 2012
The most difficult part of being a writer-or any sort of artist-is when you can't seem to find anyone who believes in you the way in which you believe in yourself. If you're not Stephen King, Stepanie Myers, or Snookie(WTF), than the odds are you can relate. If so, you know how nerve-racking it is to have to work a full-time job when all it is that you really wish/long to be doing is doing what it is you love...WRITING. If you're still on the level with me, you are also familiar with having to pay bills, scraping just to scrape the surface only to get by, and not having enough ching to invest in your hard-worked...OBSESSION. When embraced by friends that I haven't seen in 'new-moons-gone-old' They'll frequently ask how I'm doing, how's the fam, followed by congratulating me on my recently released novel. Then-they pop the question. "How are the book sales going?" I utterly detest this question, but always unconciously flash that dimple-dotted, pip-pip cheerio face I learned to master while serving tables for four full years. I usually respond with a question and that question goes something like, "Have you finished reading your copy?" If they respond with a 'yes' I instantly become oober excited/grateful and begin telling them of my own personal experiences related to my writing process and how I go about coming up with my ideas and all that other crazy creative shit that comes out of my head. However-if I receive a 'no' I'm quick-draw-quick to tell them(politely)that I'd rather not discuss my royalties whether good, bad, or ogre fucking ugly. Getting off subject, which I- a non-linear fiction writer-sometimes tends to do every here and then NOW. Through this five year process of putting the pen to the pad and the eyes on the 'look-out' I'm come to notice that there is a form of free-flow, feather-afloat freedom that encompasses the art of literature; however abstract and unappreciated it can often be. Most aspiring writers trying to break into the mainstream are most often times faced with depracating, Debbie-did-and-still-does-do-doubled-up-doses-of-downers-like-Dilaudid-like-dragging-like-dumbell-like-deadweight-like-drawl-like question-that-drags- liiiiiiiiike.... 1.) What if you only sell a handful of copies and are never rightfully recognized? What if you end up being one of those...oh...what's the word...Posthumus...I think..you know... You know a little something about those times when your bar buds are out barreling down beers while keeping cool like cowboys smoking Marlboro's and blowing smoke rings in smokeless-free bars while your at home, locked behind a door, penning your thoughts that have yet to only make you pennies. You coin aloud and then pessimistically pen the term, 'penny thoughts'. They knock while saying, "Come out of your cave you fuckin' half-dead, hibernating hermit. Come out and live a little. Get some inspiration. Don't you know that writing is nothing but a hobby, not a j-o-b. Don't get it twisted, son. Are you seriously being serious or are you again being...surreal. GEt Real!" *The clowns can come to town, but my days of going to the circus are out-#'d....son *** My all-time biggest personal pet peeve is when someone rather close to me, such as fam or the type of really close friend who legitimately deserves to be addressed as bro without having to submit to the trend of trying to sound hip or rad or wicked/hella/ultra cool. Call me sensitive- but it hurts most when they comment or opine about my writing when they don't even have the slightest clue to what my book(s) are even about. Sometimes I consider....Nah.... I'll go head and call myself out on my own BS.... Three times on the daily I feel compelled to pack the bare necessities(laptop on top of the list) and just leave all commitments and travel America-this time by foot-jotting down the sights I see, the emotions I feel, the everlasting experiences I encounter and best of all, the good people I meet along the way. But truth be told with honor, your honor. A writer's life is lonely and introspective...I'm rambling. Whether writer, stripper, filmmaker, trucker, or underground tattoo artist who tattoos the taboos of life, we all want to be appreciated for our long labored talents. I too understand that that there comes a time in life when we feel like saying. "fuck it," I can't go any further and I just can't take any more of this...rejection. I like to view these tough times as...well...a refining process. A process that strengthens us, molds us into that better somebody that we strive so hard to be. Hope is the only answer I can come up with and it is hope that I hold taut to while still maintaining a persistant routine that will inevitably make me better at what I love doing...WRITING.